Here are the top three parenting mistakes:
1: Repeatedly telling the teenager what to do and how to do it, giving too many answers and too much advice.
- Ask questions instead.
2: Interrupts when the child speaks.
- Be present as a good listener.
3: Not having a strategy for what they want out of the conversations, going on autopilot and being controlled by emotions.
- Continue reading for more tips.
Written by youth coach, author, and public speaker Terje Nordkvelle. Updated May 2022.
Now you know a little about what not to do. So, what's the smartest thing you can do to create a great relationship with your teenager?
In fact, there is an excellent answer to that question. I discovered the method by chance in 2007 when I started youth coaching. The effect of our conversations was so much stronger if I only focused on this one element!
And here's the secret: Many mothers and fathers I speak to think the most important thing behind a good parent-child relationship is that their children like them. Yes, it is essential, but the key to a really good relationship lies in how well the teenagers like themselves - in conversation with you. That's the key!
Let me ask you a question: What do you think is the most important thing to achieve a good life?
My answer: Good self-esteem; liking ourselves. Instilling this in your children is the most important job you can do as a parent. If they like themselves, they are easier to get along with.
JESSICA:
"Step 1 had a very good effect on my son... an extraordinary reaction!"
NORWEGIAN WRITER AND COACH:
Terje Nordkvelle, 47
Let me introduce myself, and explain why you can trust me.
My name is Terje Nordkvelle, and as a certified coach, I have talked to and helped many teenagers with different challenges over the last eleven years.
I've experienced which conversational techniques have the fastest and most significant effect, to build strong relationships, and now I've finally collated the best in the ebook "Seven Steps to a Positive Change in Your Teenager."
My book aims to ensure that your communication with your child leads to an inner feeling of security that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives.
The tools in this book help the teenager to feel seen and heard and take ownership of tasks and changes.
Their self-esteem will grow, they will like themselves more, and will automatically and unconsciously enjoy your company.
This way of communicating has never been more critical than now. Today's youth is often known as Generation Perfection, and not without good reason - many experience a performance pressure we have not seen in former generations.
NICOLE:
"This book is a source of inspiration for me in my work with children and youth. This book means a lot to me."
Read an excerpt by clicking on the cover.
The book helps your child to:
* Be positive and confident.
* Be interested in listening to what you have to say.
* Complete tasks.
Reading time is approximately 90 minutes, the book is available in ePub, Mobi and PDF formats. British Diane Weller is the Copy Editor for this English edition.
CHRISTINA: "Your book came as a godsend to me. Yesterday we had a long conversation, and she opened up more. Today, she has been in a much better mood."
But it’s not for everyone!
The book is only for you if you want to help your teenager to grow and be independent.
If you are more concerned about winning discussions and are uninterested in the child's opinions and life journey, this is not for you.
If you have any questions, please contact me at this email: terje@terjenordkvelle.com
ANDREA: "I have purchased a great book. The advice works! Thank you."
THE SOLUTION: To help them like themselves more
Is this manipulation?
We cannot change others, just ourselves. At the same time, I firmly believe that we can inspire and motivate the growth in others through the way we communicate.
In this book, you will learn coaching, communication, leadership, influence - and yes, positive manipulation. You will be able to communicate in a way that leads your teenager in the right direction.
In this way you can help your teenager into adulthood, secure with who they really are based on their talents and values and without the voice of their inner critic slowing down their life journey.
Youth challenges such as high demands, loneliness, bullying, and substance abuse are not problems. They are symptoms of the actual cause: how well they like themselves.
The conversation techniques I share are simple, concrete and effective.
Step 1, for example, is to say only three words.
Often it can take just small changes to lead to a better relationship.
You can do this! Many readers have told me they’ve seen positive, fast results.
More parents on the techniques in the book
Small adjustments can make big differences. Great help in relationship-building between teenagers and guardians.
KRISTIN, children 13, 18 and 21 years
Super, easy to understand with good examples.
I have also applied these methods to my working environment.
ANGELA, sons 10 and 14
years old
Very educational, brilliant. Useful, understandable and practical.
Terje is concrete and easy to understand.
Parents of students
Why me?
The reason I feel so strongly about this is probably my own history of low self-esteem as a teenager and entering into adulthood.
Failures with girls, school, and sports led to a negative self-image and internal criticism that held me back for many years.
Who would have thought I could write a book? Not me...
Good luck with your communication!
Best regards, certified coach Terje Nordkvelle, a 47-year-old former radio guy who quit my job to help young people like themselves better.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Do I have to follow the seven steps?
A: No. You decide. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the words and strategies because it is vital that you come across as authentic.
At the same time, steps 1 and 2 are designed to build trust so it will be easier to address more pressing issues later in the week.
Q: Do I have to use the seven days?
A: No. That said, I strongly recommend that you actually use the tools and say the words to your child, and then allow some space between the techniques so they can "settle" in the teenager.
Q: Why is the book not for every parent?
A: There are various different philosophies when it comes to communication with teenagers.
This book is based on the idea that all people are creative, resourceful and whole, and the number one job for parents is to help their child find these unique qualities, enabling them to grow up with the most robust sense of self-esteem and inner peace they possibly can.
If you feel strongly that your child shall always listen to you and not seek their own answers and direction, this book is not for you.
P.S. This book is tailored to
1: Improve your relationship with your teenager.
2: Equip yourself with positive psychological communication techniques that cause other people to enjoy your company.
3: Improve the child’s self-esteem and encourage positive thoughts about themselves, which is the very key to a good life.
You are not alone
More than 1200 parents have ordered this book.
Do you have children? Are you focused on good communication?
Order now, with no risk: You have 30 days to decide if you are happy with your purchase.
You pay nothing if you are dissatisfied.