Parents biggest mistakes. (Turn on sound)
NORWEGIAN CERTIFIED COACH: Read on to learn the secret to stopping bad behavior once and for all
Have you tried everything and haven’t been able to get the respect and behavior from your child you deserve?
Try these tips! They are from my ebook "Seven Steps to a Positive Change in Your Teenager". Please keep reading this page for my nr. 1 secret to connecting to teenagers.
After working as a coach for teenagers for over a decade, I have experienced that these are the most common parenting mistakes that lead to arguments - and tips to what you can do instead ;-)
1: Parents deciding and giving advice too often.
TIP: Ask your child for answers. We all like to make our own decisions, and with ownership of a change, it increases the chance of the teen going through with it.
2: Parents addressing mostly the negative.
TIP: Give 80 percent of your attention to the behavior you are satisfied with. Then some of the problems tend to fade away.
3: Parents interrupting.
TIP: Be present as a good listener. Kids do not need our presents. They need our presence.
4: Parents not having a strategy for what they want to get out of the conversations, going on autopilot, and being controlled by emotions.
TIP: Continue reading this page for more advice.
Written by coach and author of "Seven Steps to a Positive Change in Your Teenager", Terje Nordkvelle.
Updated May 2020 in Norway.
The reason I feel so strongly about working with kids is probably my failures with girls, school, and sports at a young age.
Now you know a little about what not to do. So, what's the smartest thing you can do to change bad behavior and create a great relationship with your teenager?
Here is a very good answer to that question!
I was wrong
Oslo, 2007: I humbly realized that my focus as a coach had been wrong. Embarrassing...
Not until I asked myself:
What was my need as a kid? What did I not get?,
I finally understood the real reason behind conflicts and bad behavior. I had figured out how to get through to and talk to the kids!
Suddenly it was easy to get them to listen to me. And they shared feelings and thoughts from their lives!
Here's the secret I discovered 13 years ago:
Many mothers and fathers I talk to believe the most important thing behind a good relationship is that the children like the parents. I thought so too.
It's not. It turns out that the key lies in how well the teenager like themselves - in conversation with you. That's the secret!
TERJE'S TOP TIP:
If you can help them to like themselves - they will like you, bad behavior is turned around, and you will have the relationship you dream about.
"No, no Terje. This must be wrong. My teenager has too much confidence. That's the problem."
Many parents react this way. It turns out that people that behave "cocky" often dislike themselves. They act overconfident to compensate for their internal insecurity.
People with genuinely good self-esteem tend to be respectful, empathetic, and caring.
So, back to my story
I kept getting questions from the parents about these things:
1: How to get the youth to listen to them.
2: How to help teenagers gain more confidence.
My methods are pretty simple, so the parents could easily use my communication-tools. But after giving the same advice for years, I thought to myself:
Is there a way I can teach my method in a really easy, effective way?
That's when I came up with the idea of writing a step-by-step guide to create positive changes in teenagers.
I contacted the British editor, Diane Weller and we created my seven-step roadmap.
These topics are covered in the book:
* How to keep calm and in control.
* Tips to stop arguing, make the youth listen.
* Create a better relationship.
* Get them to do chores.
* Increase self-esteem, help them to open up.
Do you transfer your own insecurity to your child? Without knowing it?
The first part is written to make sure you do not do that. The seven steps start on page 30. Steps 1 and 2 are really easy and fun, and great for creating trust, so start with them.
I share these tools in my book. Therefore, in a few days you can experience a warm relationship with authentic conversations where the child opens up and listens to what you say.
The fighting will just be a bad memory. And when problems arise, you know exactly what to say and do to get back on track.
SMART: Check out this trick to get kids to do chores at home in a short video here.
This self-esteem guide works well if your child:
* does not want to listen to you. (Attitude, arguing, yelling)
* does not want to talk to you and open up. (Low self-esteem, quiet, isolating.)
Read the first pages now? Click "Preview" on the cover below.
"Step 1 had a very good effect on my son... an extraordinary reaction!"
Say these special sentences your child NEEDS to hear from you.
ANDREA: "The advice works! Thank you."
LIKE YOURSELF? From seminar
If teenagers like themselves, they are so much easier to get along with...;-)
NICOLE: "This book is a source of inspiration for me in my work with children and youth. This book means a lot to me."
The book helps your child to:
* Be positive and confident.
* Be interested in listening to you.
* Complete tasks.
CHRISTINA: "Your book came as a godsend to me. Yesterday we had a long conversation, and she opened up more. Today, she has been in a much better mood."
SEE SHORT VIDEO:
The smart trick to get kids to do chores at home - WITHOUT nagging
TERJE’S TOP TIP:
If you are having problems with your child, it is often connected to the way they see themselves. Focus on that. Bad behavior is just a symptom - not the cause.
More parents on the techniques in the book
Small adjustments can make big changes. Great help in relationship-building between teenagers and guardians.
KRISTIN, children 13, 18 and 21 years
Super, easy to understand with good examples.
I have also applied these methods to my working environment.
ANGELA, sons 10 and 14
Very educational, brilliant. Useful, understandable and practical.
Terje is concrete and easy to understand.
Parents of students
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Do I have to follow the seven steps?
A: No. You decide. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the words and strategies because you must come across as authentic.
At the same time, steps 1 and 2 are designed to build trust so it will be easier to address more pressing issues later in the week.
Q: Do I have to use the seven days?
A: No. That said, I strongly recommend that you use the tools and say the words to your child, and then allow some space between the techniques so they can "settle" in the teenager.
You got kids? Order now. No risk. You pay nothing if you do not get the results you want.